today is just another day that i feel like because of my past that i cant have any idea of a future. i mean what the hell do you do when everything is gone and my kids are the ones suffering from this.i don't know what else to do but think about what if i just wasn't here it would be so much easier than trying to breath everyday.i serve no purpose here on this earth and i want i feel that somehow someday that god will see and know that i am sorry for what i have done and he will let me come home.thats all i want please pray for me.

today i feel alot of emotions at one time it really feels crazy sometimes i look back and my i realize i have been this way my whole life.noone just seemed to care or even be aware of this condition.i just know that i want my life back to what it should be,as soon as i figure out what that is.i know that i want a normal life with my kids i want to be able to have my own home where they can come and stay when they want to and we can rebuid a relationship without all the drama that they had to endure with me and thier dad.that is something i had to grow up inand really sucks when you are put in a position where you have to choose.i know i haven't made the best decisions in the world but i love my kids and want whats best for them.nothing but a happy home would be the best start.i hope to get a job soon and be on my own two feet i feel like such a burden but i am so thankful for my aunt and uncle they are so good to me.well hope you all have a great day!

 

   TODAY I FEEL LIKE POOP I STARTED TAKING MY MEDICINE AGAIN AND I STILL FEEL LIKE POOP!I HATE THE FACT THAT THERE IS ONLY MEDICINE AND NO CURE FOR THIS DISEASE .DOES ANYBODY KNOW IF THERE IS EVEN STUDY ON THAT AT ALL?ANYWAY ALOT OF MY FEELING LIKE POOP IS BECAUSE OF CHOICES THAT I HAVE MADE IN THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS REALLY MADE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF.PEOPLE SAY ITS BECAUSE OF BIPOLAR I SAY ITS CONVICTION AND WHAT WAS SO STRANGE ABOUT IT WAS THAT EVEN THOUGH I FELT BAD I KINDA FELT HAPPY THET I FELT BAD,DO YOU RECKON THATS CRAZY OR WHAT?

well today is a differant but the same ole day as usual.i am trying day by day to deal with things now that my whole life has done been turned upside down and ripped apart.i so know its a day by day process but its like i am just sitting and watching years of my life just go by and there is nothing i can do about it.i have lost my family my marriage have hurt my family and children my husband all because of a disease that i have completely no control over.medication doesen't seem to help.i relly miss my life i had.i so wish that i could have my mind back. i sometimes feel like i have nothing to offer anyone and if i do i am scared that i will do something wrong to mess it up.i really hate feeling like this.i really need a miracle.