Another day depressed another day lost within the sadness alonelinss I feel. I get so tired when I go through these cycles of depreesion, I often feel I don't have the energy to  go on, I'm so tired so so tired, I often wonder if  putting myself out of my misery would be a sin, at times that is the only thing that keeps me holding on is that it may be. No I won't hurt myself.. Haven't been to my doctor since I started feeling this way again, but my gosh I'm already on so much medication now, since my last episode with depressin I was put on more meds and I felt pretty well until a couple weeks ago, then I could feel it creeping in on me again this fricken monster that won't leave me alone called major depressin. I am  46 and I have dealt with this since I was 22 had four hospitalations. This illness robs me from  everything my dreams,I can't work, relationships and my sanity. I hate it, I hate it so much. I'm so alone because this demon makes me feel so unworthy so ashamed I don't want to share the pain, because it makes every one else hurt to who cares about me. So I will suffer alone hoping my doctor can give me MORE meds to help. I cry......