Here I am at the library and I feel totally cool and calm for once. I am all dressed up in my usual Gothic garb. I've got blue jeans, a black and green mini-skirt, pink fishnet sleeve and purple fishnet shirt with a skull tee-shirt over that and my Pride wrist warmer on. I just redyed my hair and I feel great about that as well. This is what I was wearing when S.L.A.V.E performed at the concert we did a few nights back. Now I have Manson playing in my ears and all is good. No voices. No hallucinations. Nothing but emptiness in there and I feel great about that. I guess that's all I wanted to say right now. Until the sun sets....

Light My Fire

Yeah, it's so untrue

Yeah, I guess I'm a liar

I said that we couldn't get much higher

So baby, please, light my fire

Come on, let's set this night on fire

Come on, let's set this night on fire

There's no time left

To wallow in the dark mire

Let this love of ours be a

Funeral pyre

It's time to go set the fire

Oh, baby, let's light the fire

Come on baby, light my fire

Come on baby, light my fire

Come on baby, light my fire

Yeah

Light my fire

Light my fire

Light my fire

Don't let it go out

Hurry, hurry, hurry

The time to hesitate is through

And you know what I want to do

With you

Come on, baby

Come on

Come on

Come on

Light my fire!

Until The Sun Sets...

If I could be your nightmare

Even for a day

I would hold you close to me

And cover your face in my hands

Lying on blood stained sheets

In the shape of your heartbreak

I believe our time has come

Let's say good-bye now, my love

Until the sun sets

We'll have each other 'till then

Until the sun sets

We'll die again to see each other one more time

Cross over to my side

I'll hold you close to me

Until the end of time

If I could be your nightmare

Even for a day

I would hold you close to me

And cover your face in my hands

Lying on blood stained sheets

In the shape of your heartbreak

I believe our time has come

This is where it will start,

But I'm where it will end

Wake up, wake up, wake up

Again and again and again

Tossing and turning

I'll be your little nightmare

Even for a day

And it's time to say good-bye, my love

We'll see each other again

Until the sun sets

Until the sun sets

Until the sun sets

Again....

When You're Strange is the re-do of The Doors' song by the same title. My band and I recently performed this song and several others by The Doors at a small concert about two days ago. It was so fun to be out there on the stage screaming out the lyrics to our songs. I will endevour to post the rest of the lyrics here so that others may enjoy them as much as the audience did. We even did "Light My Fire"....but it was a bit different. During the second chorus, I acutally lit myself on fire for the show. Don't worry, I'm perfectly safe and fine. I was wearing a special suit designed to burn away without hurting me. Our band is called S.L.A.V.E. So with all this in mind, away I go to post more lyrics! Until the sun sets....

When You're Strange

When you're strange

No one seems to remember your name

There are faces that come in the rain

When you're strange

There's no more pain

Every one seems to be wicked

When you're strange

There are faces that come in the rain

People are strange

And all these faces seem so ugly

You're unwanted

But I want you

I want you

I want you

I want you

When you're strange

All these faces in the rain

Screaming, screaming, screaming

You're too strange to be strange

When you're strange....

I have begun construction the companion novel to Whispers in the Shadows. I think I shall call it, Daddy, No and Other Poems from a Schizophrenic Mind. But I am not sure if that title will stick with the whole project. I am still working on the title. However, I already know that this book shall include all of my poetry that was written between the ages of 11 and 27...and believe me there is a lot of work for me to sift through. On another note, I may be taking a short "vacation" from reality because my medications that keep the voices at bay and the hallucinations from happening isn't working any more and I have run out. The office where my psychiatrist works can't refill the prescription because I am out of refills on it. So, that means that I haven't any more pills to keep myself sane in an otherwise insane world. Do not worry too much about me though, I have been practicing various methods of meditation and such to keep every thing under control until I can get some different medications to keep myself sane. I simply see this as the perfect opportunity to try these skills out and see what happens. I have a large support group now of professional people that know what to look for if the symptoms are starting to get beyond even my control, so I will be safe. This is just an experiment, I guess, but I hope that nothing goes wrong. I have not the longing to go into a hospital again. Still...it would be an interesting experience. But that is all the time I have for today. Until the sun sets....

Whispers in the Shadows: The Journals and Selected Poems of a Schizophrenic Mind is done. I finally finished it last night around four in the morning and I am glad that I am done with it. All I need to do now is the final edit, which I hope won't take too long, and then find some one to publish the collection. I must admit that I thought I would not get through it, that some thing must go wrong because every thing was going so right. But nothing ever happened. I came close to having to start all over twice, once when I accidently downloaded a Trojan Virus to my computer and another time when I almost forgot to save the data to a back-up file before shutting down for the night. But it is done. The book is ready for publication. I can only hope that what I talk about in it will help people like myself see the good sides of schizophrenia and other mental illnesses. That, beyond any thing else, was my goal...to bring back into the light the hell of living with this illness and make people see that it isn't a choice. I did not choose to have this illness and nor did any one else that has it or any thing else. It simply is. One of the poems that will be appearing in this book is Daddy, No which can be found in the earlier parts of this Journal should any one want to read it. I chose to put that one in there because I have longed for the chance to share it with the world and now I may just get that chance...as long as I can find some one to publish my book that is! Anyway, with the book now done, I have only one thing left to do: begin work on the sequel! I intended to publish all of my poetry with this book, but then I decided that it would be too long of a read for most people to get through and it would have taken away from what I was trying to say. So, therefore, I have placed almost all of my poetry into a separate companion book that will be titled,   Daddy, No and Other Poems from a Schizophrenic Mind....or some thing along that effect. I haven't decided on the title yet, but I will post again when I have reached that crucial decision. Until the sun sets....

Whispers in the shadows is almost done. I only have one more journal to add to it and then all I have to do is edit the entire document and then find some one to help me publish it. But that's it. That's all I wanted to say right now. Just wanted to give a quick update on the book. I am so excited that it's nearing completion that I can't sit still for more than a few minutes. It's 372 pages and counting. I hope to have it published by this christmas and on bookshelves throughout the US by the summer of 2009. Wish me luck. I'm probably going to to need it. And thanks for all the support.

My book is almost done. I have only three more journals from which to copy down information into the master document and then all I need to do is edit the whole thing one last time and then find a publisher. So far every thing is working out for the best with this project. Nothing has gone wrong, which I am surprised because I accidently downloaded a virus to my computer and I was so sure that I had lost every thing I had done so far, but that did not happen. I guess that's all I wanted to say. Until the sun sets....

Hello! Sorry I haven't be