hey everyone!  guess what??? i have Blake over tomorrow night for a sleep over! i have everything prepared! his bottles, clothes, nappies folded, etc...... i had an alright mother's day yesterday? i spent it with my mum. i didnt have my son though so i was depressed, i woke up depressed becoz my psychiatrist had reduced my zoloft, and i ended up not coping as well as i thought, just with stressing out and i felt on edge. so he increased my anti-depressants again. i also found out today that the guy who rapred me.... gets out of jail in 10-12 day!!! i am so nervous!!!! i was really shaken up by that news today. but i spoke to someone about it......i should be getting a home sucurity centre in my house so that i feel safe! i fell off of my chair the other day......(no i was not drunk....lol....) anywayz, i fell right on the bottom of my back! and i have been throwing up today, and my back still aches! i hope it gets better? well i hope everyone else had a great w/end and if you're a mum, happy mother's day!!!!!! take care lotsa luv'n'huggz Saffy x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

well today has been great! i have spent quality time with blake like i usually do, and it was really good today! i took him to the health nurse, and of course he is growing!!!! i also went to my psychiatrist today, he seems to be pleased with me...... he is now taking me off of my anti-depressants, because i no longer show signs of depression because everything just seems to be going so well! i have overnight access in 11 days time with Blake. i am so looking forward to waking up to him!!! Grandma was over today..... she absolutely is soooo proud!!!!!! i feeel like the best i have ever been in my life!.........it is amazing how a baby can bring so much joy into your life! and meaning, a purpose to get up every morning!!! it's not just you any more..... it's your sencond self!!!!! well i'm going to upload my favourite photo i took today!

hey everyone! i know i havent been on here for awhile.... ive been slack!!! ive also had the flu really badly, and had alot going on, like....... going to meetings, with DHS, to get Blake back! and guess what? I AM!!!!!!! he comes home definately on the 4th of June!!! the final countdown!!!! i have him overnights for the first time on the 13th of May! during that time i have been haveing him unsupervised during the day, up to 5 hours. for 3 times a week. i seen my case-worker the other day and i made up some goals for myself....: the main 1 was to get on my excersise bike and use it, coz at the moment, well up until today, it was gathering cobwebbs! lol. i went on it today for 10-15 minutes, it's a good one with the timer pulse rate, calories burnt, kilometres gone, etc..... so i also have not eaten any junk food for awhile either. i want to be fit for Blake, well i'll have to be. i also have seen my solicitor about the rape case for the compensation and i am starting to get a bit jumpy whenever i think about it, or when something bad happens. i am working with my councellor about that though, she is also my marriage councellor too. which i dont think we need, but ohwell if it's free, and if it keeps everyuone happy, i'll do it. i have been so good with my meds i was due for my serapax script yesterday but i have almost a whole months supply left of my old script left..... and that was something i was also going to get off becoz if i dont wake up to Blake during the night, that would not be in anyone's favour. yes i'm still off of the panadiene forte! i'm in my own band now, i'm the lead singer, ive been wanting to go to karaoke for awhile now but everytime i go to, something comes up? like my flu! i have missed everyone, i know that you are here but i feel like i'm too behind, if oyu know what i mean? anyways, i'll go now,,,,, thanx for reading , and i'm so excited until the 4th of June!!!!! yay!!!!!! well i'll ttyl lotsa luv'n'huggs Saffy x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

Hey, happy belated Easter to everyone! i want to have a little word about the half truth and the other half is to be continued....... sappy sticky stuff secrets..... group. anyways, i do not come on here much as you would notice by noww lately, well, all thanks to privacy, well along those lines anyway. i cant even say my true feelings anymore even if i was exstatically happy i would be considered........" unfit " or along those lines. this place was i'm saying "WAS" a helpful place to vent, but now i just write everyday things here. well i'll tell you what ive been up to...... on Easter i went to church and said a prayer.....it must have really done it's deed coz yesterday, when we went to court to get the order out on Blake, it only lasts 3 months and it is flexible..... we ARE definately getting Blake back before that 3 months is up!!!!! yay...... and we had im today, and here are some piccies. I was meant to go on a night away but i think i have some kind of bad home sickness or travell sickness? i cant be away from home? i cant drive? i cant catch the bus? i could never do these things alone anyway? is it some kind of phobia??? does anyone else get scared of being away from their house for too long? or far away? or something like that??? anyways, i am thinking of you all and i do want to start coming back on here more often it was just the privacy thing, all i want to be is open and not get ridiculed or anything for it!!! i need to be able to be here for myself AND my friends too!!!! so i hope you all understood my situation, and didnt think i couldnt be bothered commenting on your journals? that isnt true. i want to be apart of this community and nothing should be stopping me!!!!!, ok enough, well gotta go ttyl lotsa luv'n'huggz Saffy x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

can anyone see my last journal ,????? the title was....    Honesty.....and so on........

i cant find it lol well thanx........ merry Easter!!!!! also,

new pics....... http://www.rockyou.com/show_my_gallery.php?source=ppsl&instanceid=107259104

copy and paste into your browser and get a slide. and i am pasting the new 1's now here....

Hi friends, i do have a group and it would mean so much to me if you would please log in to read this next journal i am about to write....... by the way, I am over the moon with all the compliments and praises i got given to me, from my last entry!!! THANK-YOU ALL!!!!! take care lotsa luv'n'huggz Saffy x0x0x0x0x0 (sappy sticky stuff secrets!)

i am now OFF of the panadiene forte! but the greatest news hasnt arrived to you all yet!...... we get Blake UNSUPERVISED every visit from next friday onwards ...... THEN OVERNIGHT stays on tuesdays in a couple of weeks time!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!! about time! i'm sorry i havent been on the compuer much but i have been thinking of you all....... take care and i appreciate all your blessings! lotsa luv'n'huggz Saffy x0x0x0x0x0x0x0xx0x0

i am now down to 1 panadiene forte! woohoo! from 10 a day!!! i wrote up a withdrawal plan myself, and yesterday i showed it to my doctor, he was so amazed, and happy. all i get is a bit wrestless, in the legs so he upped my serapax to 2 a day. my sleeping is still great, i sleep all thru the night and wake-up ready for the day. Blake has been growing up soo fast! i fed him his first bit of potato solids and he loved it! he didnt know when to stop...lol. he is now rolling over, trying his hardest to sit up, and just so easy to look after. i love looking after Blake! i hope on monday when we have a meeting with dhs and qec, that we will be able to get unsupervised acsess on wednesdays, taking Blake to a playgroup. i bought so many different kinds of foods to cook up for Blake, so he as a variety, as time goes by. well i hope everyone has a great day and looking after them selves too, take care lotsa luv'n'huggz Saffy x0x0x0x0x0x0

since i last wrote a journal, everything is still great! even better! we had Blake for 5 1/2 hours on friday and when the dhs co-ordinator cmae to pick  him up we asked if we could have unsupervised access on wednesday, for a church playgroup with other christians? and they ar thinking it's a good start. so that day we had Blake we took him to the health nurse for the first time (for us) and he is all healthy and happy like he should be. then he rolled over for the first time and kept on doing it over and over again! it was so funny.

another thing that is so good of me is that i have been withdrawing from the panadiene forte! usually i abuse them a bit (not too much but about 2 extra) than i should! wich adss up to 10 a day!!!! now....... i've cut right back to 3 a day and it's the 4th day today so i'm going to try 2 1/2.

a bad thing is that my friend is having her third baby well i hought she was a friend? and i gave her heaps of baby stuff, and she wont even come over let alone call me? i hate it when people use me! anyway her loss!!!!

well take care everyone lotsa luv'n'huggs Saffy x0x0x0x0x0x0x0