This illness can cause behavior so extreme that you cannot function at work, in family or social situations, or in relationships with others. Some people with bipolar ...
Nothing in my life has changes except for the worse. You know what? I am going to make an effort to give myself a break from worrying about it. I know that at some point things will get better. I don't know when but I am waiting and doing what I can. That's all we can do.
Melissa
Thank you to all that responded to my last entry. It meant alot to me to recieve so much love. I don't kow how things will work out but I do have faith that God will see me through in his time. I am sure there is a reason for all that I am going through. They do have a judgement against me so they can garnish my wages. At this point, I don't care. Whatever happens happens. If they do, most of the time, I will not have money even for gas to get to work. I have no extras to cut out. I shop at thrift stores. When I really need something, I feel guilty. I have no internet or phone at home. The only reason I have a cell phone is because it is required at work. We never go out or eat out. Sometimes I don't even buy food for the house. My husband cannot pay all the bills himself. We will see what happens.
For my next episode, my youngest, Lindsey, has a boyfriend who is jealous and does't want her to talk to other boys. He has a fit if she hugs one of her guy friends. The other day he grabbed her and left a bruise on her arm. I have never interferred with who she dates but I told her that if she did not break up with him that I would take further action. The next day she said that he said he would never do it again and would control his jealousy. Yeah right. We all know that is what abusers say. We had an arguement about this. I told her that I cared about her even if she did not. Then I had to talk to her about that private college in Nashville. She got no financal aid except to take out loans. So I told her she had to go in GA. She can get the Hope Scholarship. It will pay for everything. She said that I did not want her to be happy. Right now I do not care if she is happy. I called my husband the next day. She was not up at 1:30 pm. I told him to get her up because who know she may have run away or taken all her bipolar meds. She is an attention seeker. I told him he had to have a talk with her. I am tired of carrying everything on my shoulders. I am weighted down. That is not good since I am bipolar. So that is my story.
Thanks for listening.
You know that I hate to complain but life is too stress for me to handle right now. I feel that nothing is going right. My wages may be garnished by a credit company. I have not been able to pay them due to my finances. They want a huge amount of money. Hey, if I had that much money left over, I would pay them. If they do garnish my wages, I might as well not work. I would have no gas money or money for food. Give me a break. I am working two jobs and seven days a week just trying to make it. I cannot make it at all if they do this. But I am at the point of saying, in nice terms, just forget it all. I am miserable. I cried all morning. That is so unlike me. I wish my therapist would put me in the hospital for a rest. Eventhough I am working until eight or nine o'clock every night, I am too stressed out to sleep. My doctor put me on Trazadone. I still don't go to sleep until one or two in the morning. Then do not want to get up for work.
That is all the complaining I will do tonight. Thanks for listening.
My youngest daughter, Lindsey, called me today. She is going to the prom Sat. She asked if I would take her and her friend to the pool hall in town. A band she likes is playing there. Her friend is the preacher's daughter. They serve alcohol there. I asked if her friend's parents were going to let her go. My daugher's response was that they did not have to know. I flipped out. Then she said that they would ask. Yeah right, I was not born yesterday and I was a bad teen. I told her her to have her friend's parents to call me and tell me that it was okay. I got mom................... I said that is what I thought.
Kids what can you say. Just thought that was an amusing story about my child.
I feel so bad that a friend on here needed me yesterday and I was so busy that I did not get the chance to check RMH. I hope he knows that I really am here for him and feel so bad about what he is going through. I know that he feels deeply about his situation. It he is reading this, I just want him to know that I will always be here for him.
I have slept very little in four days. When I say very little, I mean very little. Last night I was up until after 6am this morning and had to get up and go to work. I flipped out at work because I was so tired. Usually when I cannot sleep it goes on for about two weeks and then the depression comes. So I guess I will be crashing soon. I can tell it is coming. I was ready to choke someone today. I am very ill at everyone. I know this is due to not sleeping but it is my process to depression. Hopefully I am wrong. I would love to be. Oh yeah and my psychologist is in the Keys this week. So I cannot talk to him about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My younges daughter, Lindsey, was accepted at Trevecca Nazarine University in Nashville, Tennessee. Yes an out of state and private college. She is so excited. This was her first choice. I just fill out her finacial aid on line and should know something in a week. I have her applying for scholarships. As you know I have no money to help her. I told her that if she could get the money with loans and scholarships then she can go. I hope she does get to go.
My oldest daughter is still talking about joining the Navy which I think would be great for her. I am going to take her to the recruiting office. If I don't, she will never go. She has been thinking about this for a few years and I don't want her to wish later that she had done this.
I think that I am still drunk from last night but I am at work. I am happy that I have caught up on my car payment and made a payment on my house and made arrangements to catch that up. So I guess right now all is right in the world. Of course I am broke again. Oh well. My new medicine is working well. I have not had any ups or downs. I only have been depressed when normal people would be. I would like to tell the people on here that things will get better. I know alot of people on here are so depressed and cannot see the light. I have been there and probably will be there again. I always, even in depression, have hope. So take care.
Sometimes we lose faith in the human race and then angels come in human form. Yesterday I was very upset because if I didn't come up with a certain amount of money by Friday, they were going to take my car. Also I am behind on my house payment and worried about that. I confided this to a coworker. The first angel was a friend who knew that I was having a hard time. She doesn't live near me but she called me to check on me. I hope she reads this because it meant the world to me. I consider her an angel. The next angel was my coworker. Every car we sell is worth points. For every car that we sell, money goes in a pot. At the end of the week, whoever has the most points wins the money. I was in the lead but my coworker that I had confided in was selling a car late that night. He could have won the pot but chose not to because he knew I needed the money. He's an angel. So the next time you feel that you have lost faith in the human race, pull my journal up and read this again.
Wishing you all well. Hope to talk to all of you soon.
