One of the keys to life is to learn to deal with it! (duh..!)  Another key is to limit the negative things you have to deal with.  Many of my "problems" in life are a direct result of ME !  I wonder which comes first... the depression and searching for a way to cope OR the negative things I do sometimes which lead to depression (??).  I think it is just one viscious cycle with no starting point.

So, how to stop the roller coaster?  I know the right answers, it is just motivating myself to follow through that is the problem.

Hope you are all having a great weekend!

 

I am feeling "blah" this weekend but it could be a whole lot worse.  The negative feeling I am struggling with the most is loneliness.  I do not feel like playing the dating game but also do not like having nothing to do and no one to do it with.  I did all kinds of things this weekend with my kids and they had a lot of fun, but the whole time I was distracted by wishing there was a female adult to hang out with too.  I hope this is not some new addiction/compulsion that I am battling! lol  But, seriously, my "normal" is having a girlfriend or wife.  I have never been single for long but I always seem to get into chaotic relationships and that is why I am not in the 'dating game', as I mentioned above. 

Just need to learn to be happy with me and then I will attract someone else that is happy with themself and then the relationship will not be chaotic as all of my past ones have been.

How was everyone else's weekend??  It rained here or was cloudy all weekend.  Hopefully next weekend it will be good beach weather. 

 

The weekends are always the most difficult for me.  I am busy working during the week  which keeps me distracted and the only time I have to relax is on weekends.  You would think that relaxing and not really having anything to do would be a good thing.  But, I find myself varying between either keeping myself busy or doing absolutely nothing and feeling sorry for myself and feeling lonely.  Usually just lonely in the mornings when I wake up, alone.  Today I am feeling sorry for myself and lonely; and I have been awake for 4 hours.   I have some things I can do to busy myself later today so I will most likely be okay in a few hours.   Probably go to the beach if it is sunny.  That is one of the few places that I can be alone and be totally at peace and content.  I can lie on a towel or sit in a chair and all the worldly troubles in my life are all out of my mind and unimportant.  Last weekend I went to the beach both Sat and Sun which was really great.  The tourists are starting to show up more and more but that is okay too.  No matter how crowded the beach is I still feel the same sense of peace.  Plus, I know where to go on the beach that most tourists don’t know about.  I lived most of my “growing up” years in Tennessee (Chattanooga) and I remember feeling the exact same feeling when I would go up in the mountains and hike or just sit and look out over a cliff down into the valley for a while.  Of course, there are no mountains where I am now so I found a pretty good alternative which is probably even more peaceful to me.  It may be in my blood or something since I was born in Pensacola and my parents and grandparents grew up along the beach in Florida. 

Hope you all have a great day and find your own place where you can feel a sense of peace.

Let Go… Let God

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else. 

To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another; it’s to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to protect, it’s to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

It seems to take difficult times to really appreciate the good times.  It seems to take unhappiness to really be able to feel happiness.  It seems to take misery to really know joy.  It takes risk, effort, and patience to overcome difficult times, misery, and unhappiness.  This last week has been good for me and I am getting out of the negative “funk” I have been in for so long.  Who knows what tomorrow or next week may bring but I am just going to enjoy today and let whatever may come tomorrow be just that, tomorrow.

I need to remember that today is a GREAT day (and the last week for that matter).  But, I need to remember it and be grateful for it now, and when things aren't so "great".

I had a LOT of fear regarding one big issue in my life and I worried and worried about it for months, scared to take any action, hoping it "would just go away" on its own, etc.  I FINALLY took the leap and it worked out even better than I would have imagined!

Hope you are all doing well too. 

Beach weather is here, so anyone needing a place to stay, let me know.. hehe.

 

I am one of the greatest "actors" when it comes to having the appearance that my life is great and I have no problems whatsoever.  It some cases it serves me well and keeps me focused in a positive direction, keeps me thinking positive, makes me a friendly person, humorous, and all of that. 

In other ways it causes me a LOT of problems!  It causes me to put up with things I should not put up with and not express how I REALLY feel about things.  How do I REALLY feel about things??  I know but I am fearful of telling certain people in my life how I really feel because I do not want to hurt their feelings, "rock the boat", etc. 

    

There are a lot of days I want to just run away from all of my problems for a while, on those days I feel depressed.  I know I cannot run away from my problems because of my children and how it would affect them.  So, I just ‘keep on keeping on’.  There are other days when I feel hopeful about the future and my ability to change things for the better in my life (instead of running, or wanting to run, or avoiding).  Today is one of those good days and I am very grateful for that!

 

Hope you all have a great weekend!  I am going to a football game with one of my children (Senior Bowl in Mobile, AL).  It should be fun. 

We are also going to go to some Mardi Gras parades and such this weekend.  Mardi Gras is REALLY big in this area.  It is even a state holiday in this part of Alabama (off work kids out of school on 2/4 and 2/5).  New Orleans is only about 2 ½ hrs away but their Mardi Gras is not as “kid friendly” as the one in Mobile.  If anyone wants to learn more about Mardi Gras (since it only seems to be a big deal in Southwest AL and New Orleans) you can go to either of these sites.

www.mobilemardigras.com

www.mardigrasneworleans.com

 

 

-Mark

For those that read the previous journal I wrote about FEAR… things worked out pretty well.  All of that worrying and fretting for basically no reason! (LOL) Isn’t that how it usually goes??  We worry and worry about something, finally face it and it works out just fine.

 

In other news… my kids got to see snow for the first time EVER! (and they are 11 and 12).  We drove from Gulf Shores to Nashville this past weekend and there was snow in between Montgomery, AL and Birmingham, AL (which is rare for that area).  So, my girls got to play in the snow for the first time and had a blast!  I had not seen snow since 1992 myself so I thought is was pretty cool too.  I am still very glad I do not live in climates where it snows… I will keep the beach! (hehe)