1) One of those mental people with "anger management problems". I always thought of them as guys who put their fists through walls and broke stuff and hit people, and were mean and very, very scary. Now I'm that way too. I broke my cell phone and had to get another one that's not as nice. I throw my books and folders and notebooks if I get angry. I've almost broken my laptop in the past.
2) Someone who was actually crazy enough to go looking for trouble. Could my life be so awful and boring and depressing that I need to go walking around outside in the middle of the night, thus putting myself "at risk" for being the victim of a crime? Well hey, it's not the first time I've done it. Still, I wonder if I told my counselor, if she'd report me because that's technically "causing harm to myself" and thus not covered by confidentiality laws. Who knows. Maybe I better not tell her, just to be sure.
3) So totally I-don't-give about life anymore. Currently I have no desire to go into the field that I am currently in right now (supposedly), which would be counseling (what a joke, crazy people cannot counsel other crazy people). I don't care if I finish school or not. In fact, I'd rather not. I'd rather just...move somewhere and get a job and live by myself.
4) Fall out of love, like, almost completely. How can you just...one day, suddenly not feel for the one you've been with for four years now, the one who says he wants to marry you? Well, that's me.
Yes, all of these things are me. I'm out of control. I really am. One of my doctors thinks the lithium is making me manic. The other isn't so sure and wants to try putting me on Risperdal for the anger. I've been popping so many pills during my life, that when it's time for a new one, I don't even bother getting excited, as if I am taking the pills to make everyone else happy, because it's not doing anything to help me, that's for sure.
