I have been taking lithium for about one week now. I take it three times a day, once when I get up in the morning, once after lunch, and once in the evening. Let me tell you how much it has changed me.
In one week's time, I started brushing my hair and teeth again. I started getting up in the morning earlier and putting on actual clothes, not sleeping in until 1 or 2 PM like I used to. I shower just about every day. I am more concerned with the way I look. I stopped thinking nasty thoughts about how I look, and started having thoughts about what I can do to lose weight and look and feel healthier.
I am less anxious and slightly less irritable. I am not depressed. I can fall asleep at night more easily than before. I do not even think for a moment about ending my life the way I used to. Instead, I think of how excited I am to be going back to State College in a few weeks, thinking about how I need to make a list of furniture to bring for the apartment. I do not feel despair over finances anymore. I think of how I need to get a job and work hard but I do not feel overwhelmed. I am psyched for the first day of classes in every way.
I do not want to get in my car and crash it somewhere. I do not look at my huge bottle of lithium capsules and feel a desire to take all of them at once. I look forward to the next time I need to take one because I know it will keep me going. The only thing I wish is for a way to remember how many pills I have taken, since I take 3 per day and sometimes forget how many I just took.
I no longer think about wanting to die. I am filled with hope even with all of my hardships. I now enjoy babysitting again. I do not go to babysit every Tuesday and Thursday evening with the idea that I need to do it for the kids, pretend to be happy for them...I am happy! I look forward to doing things with them, catching fireflies, playing soccer, coloring pictures of Wall-E, looking at photographs of the planets on the computer, doing "Bob Bob" puzzles and singing along with Rock Band. It is something that gives me great joy, like it always did way back in the past.
I could cry right now...but I'd be crying with joy. Is this what it feels like to be normal? Not manic, not suicidal, not depressed, but NORMAL and HAPPY???? Is this what I've been missing since I turned sixteen? If I feel like this after only one week, how much better can it get??????
The only thing I wish is for a way to remember how many pills I have taken, since I take 3 per day and sometimes forget how many I just took.