I'm here, hanging out. Smoked a j after not smoking so much. I felt the need to do it. After all this thinking. To calm my nerve down. I look at the situation that i am in. After all these years of stupidness, Aloness and throw in depression. I look at how i present myself, in the eyes on everyone that knows me....I dont know... I think i come off as i shouldn't all these years of insecurities, has made me come off as weak person! **********************
Which i hate!! I'm tired of, being seen or having the feeling of that! I hate it!!! I think i need to change that!! I think that because of all these lost in my head times, I have shown that i am some kind of push over, that guy that people say, "Oh its ok, He's Marcos...You dont have much of a challenge" kind of guy! I mean i understand the reason for all this logic. Is because i have been a little bltch! for a long time. There is no lying in that. I am like those one songs that say in some part of the lyrics, at some point they "lost there head". I did!! So i had to learn how to crawl up depression and try to get my life in stable order where i could be more happy, instead of being sad or depress all the time.
It's hard work, when you try to balance it all out and be at a happy healthy state of mind. I dont know where i was going with this....? lol But...I need a change. A new state of mind. Because all this oldness is not working. Well not to my likeing. I don't like where this is going. I need to jump of that band wagon and ride a new one to a new beginning. lol But seriously i need to change and i think i know what will help me thru this process. I need to work out that for sure. Like i did before. It always help me relieve my stress!! My knee feels better from the marathon. It's been to 2 weeks, but it feels like 3 weeks!! lol But i need to get back in to shape!! and i also need some alone time to think stuff thru. That will help me out in the long run!****************************I need to be know what my true feelings are, How i feel about myself and what i like and dont like, What i feel for and what i dont feel for, What make more sense to me and what doesnt make that much sense to me, ect... i think you know where im going with this. Just be me and i will feel confident in my self. That what confidence really means!! You know what you're preferences are, you know what you're good at and you're good at it, Yo know what you are capable of doing and dont feel that bummed down if you're not good at it. well i think that's what it means. But i know for sure. that i have to start moving, doing, and feeling stuff.
It's hard work, when you try to balance it all out and be at a happy healthy state of mind. I dont know where i was going with this....? lol But...I need a change. A new state of mind. Because all this oldness is not working. Well not to my likeing. I don't like where this is going. I need to jump of that band wagon and ride a new one to a new beginning. lol But seriously i need to change and i think i know what will help me thru this process. I need to work out that for sure. Like i did before. It always help me relieve my stress!! My knee feels better from the marathon. It's been to 2 weeks, but it feels like 3 weeks!! lol But i need to get back in to shape!! and i also need some alone time to think stuff thru. That will help me out in the long run!****************************I need to be know what my true feelings are, How i feel about myself and what i like and dont like, What i feel for and what i dont feel for, What make more sense to me and what doesnt make that much sense to me, ect... i think you know where im going with this. Just be me and i will feel confident in my self. That what confidence really means!! You know what you're preferences are, you know what you're good at and you're good at it, Yo know what you are capable of doing and dont feel that bummed down if you're not good at it. well i think that's what it means. But i know for sure. that i have to start moving, doing, and feeling stuff. 