Mental illness, mental illness,

what are you doing in my life?

I am a mother, I am a daughter and I am also my husbands' wife.

Why do you creep up on me day to day,

thought by thought,

I am sick of this paranoia but, what else have I got?

Well, I have got to live for 1. I have a son 2.

and, I have a hubby 3.

So, get out of me!

I want to be "NORMAL" if there is such a thing?

Atleast fit in to be considered a human being? NOT labeled, NOT locked away and NOT medicated.

I want to be healthy minded,

so, I can live life without black clouds in the way,

I cannot see a path for recovery yet,

but, i'll pray everyday, and God will show me the way.

well thanks for reading and take care everyone! lotsa luv'n'huggs Saffy x0x0x0x0x0

oh yea my car needs repairs my new car, and my laptop is down....so i'm using my hubby's p.c. atm. well toodles!

lately i have been in and out of the psychiatric and general ward hospital for overdoses. i ended up in intensive care, for about 2-3 days, i have been severely depressed because ive lost my son Blake! again! and i honestly dont see a chance for getting him back!?

i've also got some health problems i have severe fluid retention... along with that ive gained weight and i'm on a new diet with xenical pills.... they make all your fat drain out the other end...LOL. i'm also on fluid tablets so i lose wieght aswell, they are diaretics, so that helps me lose the weight also.

i have a new hobby of collecting betty boop figurines and stuff! i think theyre good! ive been trying to keep myself occupied by painting , oh i almost forgot my new babies!!!! i have two absolutely adorable puppies!  they are both pomeranian crossed with chihuahua, theyre not relate at all i have a girl and a boy and i want to breed them!!! i love them to bits!!!  the girls name is cleo and the boys name is Max. the girl is tann color and the boy is white. the puppies they will hve will be so cute and good looking. i cant wait until they are old enough to start the tango...LOL.

usually i have trust problems, and stuff like that.... i used to get really cut, when my hubby Dean wanted to have anything to do with his son, only due to the fact that baggage is with it  (his ex) but now ive come to realise that life's too short to be jealous, and not to mention, he obviously has to have contact with his other son (declan), i feel i was being selfish in that way. so ive come to agree with him staying with us even live wth us and treat him as my own. well he is my step son afterall. he will be 13 years old this march.

wheni was in hospital the psych. ward last, they have re-diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder.  they said that it's a seriuos illness, and nobody understands it that much unless you have it yourself. i hate the way i think , i dont think bad stuff but just the way i deeply think, about things too much i'd say.

well i'll leave at that for now and hope that my friends and others realise i'm backon here because it's been sooo long. hope you have a good day take it easy day by day and ttyl... lotsa luv'n'huggz Saffy x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

i cant find it lol well thanx........ merry Easter!!!!! also,

new pics....... http://www.rockyou.com/show_my_gallery.php?source=ppsl&instanceid=107259104

copy and paste into your browser and get a slide. and i am pasting the new 1's now here....

another thing that is so good of me is that i have been withdrawing from the panadiene forte! usually i abuse them a bit (not too much but about 2 extra) than i should! wich adss up to 10 a day!!!! now....... i've cut right back to 3 a day and it's the 4th day today so i'm going to try 2 1/2.

a bad thing is that my friend is having her third baby well i hought she was a friend? and i gave her heaps of baby stuff, and she wont even come over let alone call me? i hate it when people use me! anyway her loss!!!!

well take care everyone lotsa luv'n'huggs Saffy x0x0x0x0x0x0x0 :D

·       Chorus:

As I sit here I know that my heart is true;

If I persist I know that it will come through.

As I sit here I know that my heart is true;

If I persist I know that it will come through.

·       Verse 1:

So my eyes close like a blind, I wonder if I can find?

The beauty that lies inside; but, I got to defend my pride.

Then I cut deep and then I bleed,

And I’ll wonder if I’ll wake-up alive? But, I have to find a way to survive, this mission of life of mine.

To sacrifice a secret mind and the making of my kinds.

·       Chorus:

As I sit here I know that my heart is true;

If I persist I know that it will come through.

As I sit here I know that my heart is true;

If I persist I know that it will come through.

·       Verse 2:

I know that this is just a dream; can’t you hold this back from me? Or is it more than that? I have to make it more than a fact.

·       Chorus:

As I sit here I know that my heart is true;

If I persist I know that it will come through.

As I sit here I know that my heart is true;

If I persist I know that it will come through.

·       Verse 3:

This story never ends, it feels like it never mends? But when  I feel your heart, I want to start and just; …………

Make a living until you can see, the real me,

That I will be loyal and a queen, if it takes the whole world to see, I would take in eternity, my life, my love, only soul, for you and only you, baby I love you…………

……………mmmmm yea yea yea mmmmm…………………

·       Chorus:

As I sit here I know that my heart is true;

If I persist I know that it will come through.

As I sit here I know that my heart is true;

If I persist I know that it will come through.

Written by Sapphira Morice:

March 7^th 2008