What do I do????? I am so confused and I wanna believe things will change, am I just fooling myself???? Guys especially what do you think?? He thought today it was over and he has called me and text me all day long..... do you think he really cares?

Today started off great, and I had Lunch with my kids at their school, went to DBT group, then found myself irriated and very depressed now. I simple conversation with man got me down.

Can anyone tell why it is that women who are total b*tches to men get chased after and get everthing good from a man, but good women get walked on??? I am a damn good woman to men, I love to clean and cook, and other things I can't write on here. I know I am not a "super model" and I am not perfect, but I know I am a good, loving, caring person.

I am off to cry myself to sleep now....  everyone have a great night.

My boyfriend is not even talking to me today, he wont answer his cell and wont reply to mt texts. I took a city bus home yesterday which took almost 4 hour, including waiting time and switching three buses. Its only 20mins to drive from maplewood to the cities but they are long detours and stop too much. I never asked for aride but he never offered one either. He knew yesterday that I was really depressed and I told him I just wanted to eat and then sleep till monday.

I talked to him last night all drugged out on seroquel, stressed, depressed and sleepy and told him that I was depressed, I felt like I wanted to die (was not serious though) and that I didnt feel I was good enough for him, and that if I was a better woman he would (or atleast want too) chase me. I do feel like he does not really want me. I told him that but I fell asleep and he text "U did something wrong eh?". I reply this morning no, that i would never hurt him like that. This is not about another man, but I guess he thinks so. What do I do now?? Should I just leave him??? Obvisouly we both need work, especially emotionally for me. I need more support and understanding, I am bipolar, I am depressed. I divorced in Dec, and I seperated from my ex in Feb. 2008, is it just too soon for another relationship???  

I have been job searchng still with no luck, and i feel worthless inside. I feel like I am a fool for chasing a man who doesnt chase me, he says he loves me and I believe him, but deep down i feel like I am not the woman he wants. 

He doesnt want to be around my family, but he seems close to his exes mom. And he told me before he used to treat his exs really good, and he treats me good but there is no effort to it. He rarely comes to see me, I always go to him. I love to cook and clean for him, and I rub his back without him telling me too. I want him to do thoughful things for me. I get ignored a lot when I am with him.

What do I do??? I wanna sleep forever and hide!!!!

I dont really know how I feel either... I mean I am happy and very relieved but at the same time I feel depressed.

I don't want him back... I have found a new man who is 100% better to me... but it does hurt that he treats this chic better than he ever treated me... he just makes me feel like I am sh*t and always was sh*t.... I have always picked the wrong guys for relationships... I was raped at 16 too... so I just have a really hard time trying to believe a man really wants ME or wants to love me.

Things with Marc are going good I guess, but he is still in his own little world most of the time, unless it involves us having sex. We really don't talk much or spend a lot of time together, but we try to go out once a week now, and even then its the same, he is off with the guys talking and drinking, and I am with the chics, lol.

Maybe I just need a nap, lol.

I knows its been over a month since my last journal, but I am working fulltime now and taking care of my two beautiful kids. Things are going good right now and I have been spending more time with my hubby (more intimacy  ) and he is making me love him more and more every day. Its hard to keep a good marriage lasting, and our past has been bumpy and a huge emotional roller coaster for me. You may know, some days I cant stand him, and others I live without him. My birthday is coming up soon and I am scared that I wont lose any weight before then. I cant stick to a diet, sad huh? I want to get a tattoo, but still deciding on what to get.

I just want to say thanks to a good friend of mine for being there for me, you know who you are sweety, love you lots! Without you I dont think i would be here today.

 http://www.transyouth.net/stories/gwen_araujo.html

      http://www.answers.com/topic/gwen-araujo

I want to share something with anyone who has a heart. I first heard about Gwen Araujo a year ago when I watched a Lifetime movie called, A Girl Like Me, and it was the saddest thing ever to know how someone so young, beautiful, loving and full of life could be beaten to death by three of the most sorriest excuse for human beings. I know that today in our society we live with hatred and prejudice, and thats not something that will change anytime soon, but I want people to learn something from this story as I have. Even though we are of different races, genders, and sexual interests, we are all human, we all have the same emotions, feelings, and struggles in life. I want people to read her story, and know her for the beautiful person she was and not just another traggic murdered transgender. So I encourage everyone to read this, maybe you can understand things more before you judge someone you dont know. If I could put I stop to these hate crimes I would, but its hard to do alone, but even if I can give someone more knowledge of tanssexuals or make people realize the effects that are cause due to hatred, than thats more than enough for me. Just remember that hatred is taught, and our children listen to everything we say, and they watch our actions as well, so becareful how you represent yourselfs in front of your kids unless you want this cylce of hatred to continue. 

     http://www.answers.com/topic/gwen-araujo

I want to share something with anyone who has a heart. I first heard about Gwen Araujo a year ago when I watched a Lifetime movie called, A Girl Like Me, and it was the saddest thing ever to know how someone so young, beautiful, loving and full of life could be beaten to death by three of the most sorriest excuse for human beings. I know that today in our society we live with hatred and prejudice, and thats not something that will change anytime soon, but I want people to learn something from this story as I have. Even though we are of different races, genders, and sexual interests, we are all human, we all have the same emotions, feelings, and struggles in life. I want people to read her story, and know her for the beautiful person she was and not just another traggic murdered transgender. So I encourage everyone to read this, maybe you can understand things more before you judge someone you dont know. If I could put I stop to these hate crimes I would, but its hard to do alone, but even if I can give someone more knowledge of tanssexuals or make people realize the effects that are cause due to hatred, than thats more than enough for me. Just remember that hatred is taught, and our children listen to everything we say, and they watch our actions as well, so becareful how you represent yourselfs in front of your kids unless you want this cylce of hatred to continue.