Hello my name is Melissa , i'm 28 &  I have been with my partner Jeremy ( 30) for 8 1/2 yrs- brief back ground when we met each other , I had just had my son whom was four months old @ the time, I had just gotten out of a relationship 9 months before - jeremy himself had his own issues , disfunctional family ,  with four other brother's with drug addictions , grew up with alot of mental & emotional as well as physical abuse -  I will be honest the first three yrs we were together , was filled with tons of drama , his drug abuse along with legal problems eventually all that of took it's toll & we broke up in 2003 - We spent the next yr to yr 1/2 apart  then in May of 2005  we some how got to talking again , we started hanging back out @ that time my childhood best friend of 20 yrs had  tempary guardianship of my  3 1/2 yr old due to the fact that I was still living with & taking care of my disabled mother whom suffers from cronic pain ( so there for I didn't feel that it was a good environment for my son )  any way jeremy & I started hanging back out , about 4-5 months later we had decided to get back together since he was clean & sober and working on his legal problems .  The first 2-3 yrs we were back together were rough , rebuilding the relationship in general  how ever @ the same time I noticed jeremy's moods one day would be good & then the next day be horrible , incredibly irritible , alot of times I would notice that his  incredibly disfunctional family often triggered his mood changes.

I started noticing major mood changes when we moved in together , it was then that I also noticed his obsessive compulsive disorder , constiently got to have things in a particular order , very picky about how clean things are , lot of rituals that were time consuming ( which I knew had to do with him controling his angxiety )  There have been many times when Jeremy has got into an out right rage , accusing me of lieing to him , accusing me of being an undecover cop -  usually this kind of rage happends when ever he's had an argueement with one of his family member's ( 95 %)  of the time the 2nd oldest brother ( R) is the one that jeremy is butting heads with - fact of the matter jeremy has alot of pent of anger & resentment against his brother ( R)   any way there have been many times when jeremy has just blown up on , screaming, ranting & raging out of control with incredible anger , often times when he goes off on me he calls me all kinds of names, incredibly verbally abusive ,  accusing me of signaling to the police( behind his back )  , physically gets in my face screaming @ me that I'm lying to him that I just need to admit it  , by this time i'm scared & seriously freaked out by his behavor I say what he wants to hear just so he'll stop his screaming ( I know that I shouldn't given in to him ) but I can't help it i get seriously worried & scard when ever he has one of these episodes .

I will be honest when he makes statements such as he does not want to live any more that he just wishes god would just take him now so he can have some sort of peace and not deal with all the hell & tourment of this world .     I will be honest when I hear this I get so worried & scared ,  I mean I do not think that jeremy would ever have the courage to committ suscide yet you never know !!!!   Truth of the matter is jeremy has never gotten any help for any real help for any of his issues , he did take doxpin when ever we were first together ( for what reason I don't remember) but then stopped taking it due to the fact  that it just doped him up where he was just a zombie , after that he didn't take any medication .     We've now been back together 5 1/2 yrs  & jeremy still has his epipodes of anger rages , screaming @ the top of his lungs , there are days where the littest thing can anger him .