I am only 38 yrs old,but i have been through so much in life,as a child,as well as an adult.Well where do i start?.....I was 5 years old when i was first sexually abused by a babysitters husband,while my babysitter(his wife) watched.I was totally unclothed.My mom and dad had seperated,i did not know why at the time,but i began wetting the bed when my dad left.This is why i was unclothed while i was being abused(I found out after the fact).

     I acted as if i were sleeping because i was terrified and did not know what to do or think,so i layed there feeling helpless and un-moving til he did the sick thing he did to me,while his wife watched and i could hear her saying to him,"you should not be doing this"his response was "Oh it is ok,go get me some vaseline,so then i hear footsteps,the footsteps of his wife going to get some vaseline.He then rubbed it all over my private area(vagina).When he stopped i waited til i heard them leaving the room,cause i was on the floor laying on a blanket,naked.I sat up and said,frantically,"where are my clothes?" His wife replied"they are hanging in the bathroom ,You had another accident".I then ran in there naked and proceeded to put them back on,soaked in urine or not.I didn't care.I sat on the couch there rest of the day,which felt like eternity,til my mom got there to pick me up after work.

      I was so happy when i heard the knock at the door that i practically ran to her arms and could not get out of that apt quick enough,because i had to pee so badly,I had not moved from that end of the couch,nearest the door,since that traumatic event that morning.My mom and i left and i don't remember anything else until we got to my grandma's house.I remember sitting at her kitchen table and her and my mother were talking.No cops were ever called,the babysitter was not called or confronted, that i know of,So i didn't know what to think?Was what he did right?Was what he did ok?maybe it was my fault?All i know is that my mother never took me back there again.My grandmother started watching me from that night on.I can't even remember telling my mom what happened or what her and my grandma were talking about,i gues i just kinda assummed that i had told my mom,since she never took me back there again. 

      I still wet the bed though.Well my mom was still working her butt off and grandma is watching me.I was so happy.MY aunts and i were like sisters and best friends,since we were all about the same age cause my mom had me when she was 18.Well everything was going well,my mom and i had a little apt by ourselves.Then one day her friends introduce her to some man(who eventually became her husband).Everything was all good until i turned nine and i had already began liking him.He did things with me and my mom,like my dad used to do.The only difference is that when i was 9 years old i am laying on the couch with him,taking a nap,while mom is at work(it seemed like she was always working).This was differenthan any other day,until all of the sudden his hand goes to my private area,and he acts startled as if he did not know what he was doing.I was so scared and didn't know what to think again.

     Well,to make a long story short,He sexually abused me til i was almost 16years of age and in high school.I finally started seeing ABC after-school specials and then i realized the wrongs that had been done to me.I did not know what to do.My step father had threatened me and had me terrified.Finally i told my aunt(who is only 2 months and 3 days younger than me).She didn't know what to think or how to act(but i remember we were in woolworth's store when i told her(there are none now,it was in downtown cincinnati,ohio).She said i should tell my grandma,her mom.I was too scared,so my aunt told her.I remember my grandma coming to me and asking me about it.I told her and she did not believe me because,at this time my step-dad had been trying to keep me away from my boyfriend at the time.So she thought i was doing it so he would go away.It hurt me so bad that my grandma did not believe me at first.

    Well when my mom got off work,we went home.I don't think my grandmother told her or if she did,my mom never said or did anything about it.     

Will finish this later,i got alot to do.and felling better,a longtime friend i haven't talked to in forever just called me........will finish this in a minute.

hi, lovely people. Im the baby of my family. my abuse started at 4 ended when i was 12,one of my older brother and his friend sexually abused me whenever he wanted and done whatever he wanted to me. um used to wet my bed cause i was so afraid to get up at night even though the hurt was going to be anyway, my mom would get so mad at me and make me suck the sheets and hit me with extention cords or switches. hmm, sickning. my dad used to carrry me out to different places and leave me in the car and i would get drunk and me too. i dont remember much about those days or nights. he used to have a staff that was tall and made of wood dont let him be on his spree form drunkness, nobody got sleep. pretty much my bad days outweighed the good. at 7 I tryed telling my mom about what my brother was doing to me but nothing was done she what beat me again, she even caught him sometimes and it was more painful than the pain he was forcing on me. all those tormented days and nights has cause me hell since then. Im grown now and dont know if im going or coming. I have 3 beautiful children of my own. and i am terrified, cant hold a job cause im so scared to leave them with anyone and i constantly worry how they are gonna turned out to be. Their father is in our life but im always on pins and needles cant relax, im tired and exhuasted physically and mentally sometimes i cant even make it out of bed to see them off for school. im alway watching, he know a little bout my life, i know he tells me "just me a chance youll see, let me be your light" hmm im just so tired of being in captivity of my own past.